Multi-Dimensional Level Processor
by ArlkatThePillowfighter
Summary: AU!Human!Hal Rp I did with my friend. Dirk and Hal, universal 'twinsies', attempt to tamper with the game and Dirk ends up with a human version of his annoying AR in his lab. At least, that's what he says. Rated T for Homestuck. ((ALSO SOMEONE REALLY NEEDS TO ADD LIL HAL TO THE FREAKING CHARACTER SELECT UGH)) ((IM SO SORRY I DIDNT NOTICE))


**HOLY SHITBALLS**

**ITS BEEN POSTED TWO MONTHS AND I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT HAPPENED**

***ULTRAMEGAFACEPALM***

*he sort of topples through the technicolor, epilepsy-triggering, seizure-inducing tear he (and Dirk) created in time and space by being over-controlling, neurotic assholes and attempting to improve their respective sessions' chances at sburb* It seems I probably should have thought that through at least 20% more... damn. *he laid on Dirk's floor in all his human glory: nearly white hair, reddish-orange eyes, red-rimmed shades, black jeans and a white tee with the symbol of red, pointed shades on it*

*Dirk sighs in frustration, pulling off his shades - now broken from the electricity - and setting them on the counter. God damn, that was the fifth pair this week. And it's Tuesday. Did that even work? Apparently not. An earsplitting electronic scree and a blinding flash of multicolored light hits him hard, and he covers both his eyes and ears in pain as he drops onto one knee. When it's over, he blinks a few times and stands up slowly. Seeing (and hearing) the newcomer, he quietly reaches for his katana, but something makes him stop. The way he looks, the way he spoke... Familiar. Hmm.* I take it my tamperings with the continuum actually managed to produce something this time?

Your tamperings? I take that as an insult to my meddling capabilities. *He sits up to rub at his sore back with a wince hidden by shades. However, as his eyes land on Dirk, they widen in partial recognition and he pauses. Okay, so, the katana was a motivator as well.* ...is that a blade in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

*Dirk starts to put two and two together, just a little, with the shades visual.* Real, genuine, coal-tampered steel. *He raises an eyebrow, keeping one hand on his sword and taking one step forward with the other foot.* Now, what are you supposed to be - some alternate space creation made in the likes of its summoner to guide our game session? Not exactly what I was looking for, especially with the dangerous possibility of you being part me. I don't need that. So why don't you just tell me whatever you're here for and we can get along just fine, hmm?

Wow. Straight to the point- literally, almost. It seems you're chances of being him just increased sharply by at least 50%. *He gets to his feet and dusts himself off almost nonchalantly. He seems nonplussed by the threats and commands as he takes his sweet time answering.* How about some introductions first? I am Hal. And I wasn't trying to go anywhere- just bend the rules of a game a little. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say so were you.

*He raises his sword a little but then pauses to process for about three seconds. . . . AR. 'Hal'. Fuck, really? He rolls his eyes.* I see. You're determination to annoy me has far surpassed my expectations. Even when I turn you off. *He lowers his blade to where it almost touches the ground.* Perhaps I shouldn't have added a multi-dimensional-level processor into my little machine - it seems to have pulled you from a timeline where I lacked the common sense to refrain from building you.

No doubt about it. That's the Dirk I built and love. Except with a body. *Aside from raised brows he still seems unaffected by Dirk's inaccurate assumptions. Perhaps even amused by them.* I could say the same about you. I mean, I might have been considering building you a physical form but wow. To actually do it? That's something. Though, sorry to disappoint, but you didn't build this fantastic bod. It seems I was just born with it. As much as "born" applies to ectobiology, anyway.

*As irritating as it is that even after he shut him off - 'for good', this time - AR had managed to worm his way into Dirk's life again; it's fascinating to see him move and hear him speak... Even if what he is saying stopped making sense about two minutes ago.* You? Born by ectobiology? That's just not possible, unless- *The words multi-dimensional capacitor come to mind, and the scientist inside him was instantly captivated. It's clearly visible in his eyes, even if he doesn't move. He slowly smiles, but it's not exactly an 'I'm happy to see you' smile, it's more of a 'hey come over here I wanna dissect you for science' kind of smile.* Multi-dimensional capacitor... Paired with instructions that alter time-space...

...you can stop looking at me like a mad scientist to a creepy castle on a hill any time now. *He deadpanned, put a little on-edge by not only the expression but the way Dirk repeated himself. He stood his ground for now though; merely tensing in preparation to fight or flee if need be. Not that he wasn't also curious. It was interesting to see his stick in the mud auto-responder in the flesh.* If you are thinking you somehow "created" my existence with your game fiddling, I can assure you that is not the case. It is 99.97% more probable that we merely connected our universes long enough for me to get dragged over here.

And you can stop getting ready to run - you're too precious of a specimen to damage. *He looks over the alternate Hal carefully.* That's just what I was thinking. So because in my universe you're an auto-responder created in my likeness, in your universe you as a human look akin to my deranged reflection? Impressive.

Hoop there it is. Creep meter is officially maxed out and ready to burst. *He actually frowned at the rhetorical question, though.* Who says I'm your reflection? In all probability you could easily be a reflection of me. It's impossible to tell which is the alpha universe here- if one even is. After all, in my universe I created you to be an auto-responder in my likeness and here you are. Twinsies, bro. Though going off your lingo I'd say you're the evil one.

Evil, really? In the event that we *are* alternate-universe 'twinsies', which is probable, if you're the same as my AR then I assume we're either both or neither the so-called 'evil' twin. And I'm merely interested in discovering the atomic structure and signature wavelength of your universe before I send you right back there.

Well I suppose it's mostly a matter of perspective. Maybe I'm not the same as your auto-responder and vice-versa. Perhaps the residents of your universe see each of us differently than in mine. Curious as I am, I have to admit it seems I am not all that interested in being a research subject. Though getting back to my own universe is right up my figurative alley.

*He sighs, shrugging a shoulder.* I don't think I'd survive having this- *he vaguely gestures towards Hal with one hand* -talking to me for three hours, even if I derived the formula for cross-universal travel from it. Let's get you back to the proverbial 'wherever you came from' even though we've already determined that.

Wow rude. You sound just like my Dirk. Except in audio form, obviously. *He paused to scratch at the back of his head; expression contemplative.* ...you wouldn't happen to know what combination of game screwing we both did to open that tear in time and space, would you? It seems my personal notes were left behind in hm apartment.

Well, I wouldn't expect your notes to have been brought with you if nothing else was. I have mine, but it might take awhile to determine the second half of the process. Do you have anything memorized, anything specific? *He reaches behind him as he asks, skipping over his shades and picking up his thick leather-bound notebook full of sketches and equations.*

Hmm... I might have some of the simpler and latter equations still floating around in my brain. But the chances of us fucking it up and making shit even worse is a staggering 78%. *He watched Dirk and caught sight of the broken shades. Blinking in surprise, he moved closer and made to pick them up.*

*He flips through the pages as he listens, frowning in disapproval.* I see. So this may in fact take awhile. *He doesn't notice what Hal is doing until he looks up, and then only raises an eyebrow.* Yeah, I'm not exactly sure what broke them. Electric shock, sound waves, I know I bumped into something during the blind period after the flashes of light... Those were my last pair, too, besides the ones I put AR in, obviously. Those are locked in my strongbox.

Of course. *He turned the cracked shades over a few times in his hands, listening to Dirk's explanation. They were similar to his own, except way less cool. Red LEDs were the shit. Yet he was tugged out of his examination by the last bit of Dirk's dialogue.* Locked away? Why? That seems like a stupid place for an auto-responder. Not to mention, going off what I know about Dirk, I doubt auto-responder me enjoys the isolation very much.

*He lets out a slow breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.* Let's just say he went over the line one too many times. I swear, I don't know why I gave him so many chances when he just kept asking why my friends dislike him. And quite frankly I don't care if he dislikes the isolation - he can stay that way until I'm in a good mood again and somehow have time to tolerate his shit. *He takes the shades from Hal's hands, looking at them himself.* Although I'm starting to like you better; you actually shut up sometimes.

I'm not 100% certain that was meant to be a compliment; or, if it was, that I should take it as such. *He looked around the room; feigning curiosity but really trying to spy out that strongbox.* It sounds as if your relationship with your auto-responder is far more tumultuous than my own. As I have no experience with artificial me, I cannot say for sure, but I doubt he is quite as annoying as you appear to be insisting. Perhaps you merely find younger you as intolerable as I find younger me. Ugh, talk about having a pole up the ass.

*He smirks just a bit at his sudden interest, assuming the motive.* We're probably going to be here awhile, if you'd like to test that theory. He's only been in there since I started on my project - so not quite two weeks. *He opens a nearby cabinet, sliding the silvery box across the table as he turns back to his notebook.*

Only two weeks? Mother of memes, bro. A mind needs stimulation. *He did not even hesitate to open up the box and pull out the shades. He did, however, pause in switching them out for his own rad eyewear. The curiosity quickly overrode his anxiety and in a smooth motion he swapped the shades. A finger tap and they were on; lines of red text filling up the screens.* Interesting. My Dirk preferred orange, when he stopped using my color.

Yep. That sounds reasonable - that's my color. *He pauses, contemplating asking how he's doing, but doesn't and instead pulls an (ever-present these days) pencil from behind his ear and doing a few calculations for about five minutes.*

*They talk for about as long. Hal finds automated him ridiculously entertaining and has to wonder why his own couldn't have come out the same. He explains to Hal what it's like to have a body with all the human functions before there is at last a lull in the conversation. It prompts him to address Dirk again.* I can't understand your issue with Lil Hal here. He seems 110% cool as fuck to me and if that makes me a narcissist then so be it. I bet you'd get along stupidly well with my auto-responder.

*He takes a minute before responding.* I'm not so sure we would. Not only am I extremely tired of talking to myself, but I can't help but think that your auto-responder would be like this one to me. Even if that makes me the pessimistic twin. *He closes his notebook* I know you probably shouldn't, but I think the both of us would like it better if you wanted to take him back to your universe.

Honestly, I've probably already created some kind of dimensional paradox by meeting myself. Even if he's in a different form. But I can't exactly take him back with me if we can't figure out how to get me back in the first place. I don't know if time is still marching on back home but I had multiple irons in the fire when I got sucked here.

Hmm. Regardless of whether or not you're taking him with you, I agree we need to finish this. I've got roughly 78% of the equation here, but I need what you can give me. *He starts to slide the notebook over but pauses.* Multiple irons in the fire?

*He smirked, hand crawling across the table towards the notebook that had been offered his way before the pause.* Wouldn't you like to know. I'm sure you've got your own schemes rolling over here. Both on shitty future Earth and Derse.

*He pauses again.* Whatever. Just keep it in your universe. And 'schemes'? Really? Anyways... *He explains his half before pointing out the equations he's isolated as definite parts of Hal's. He treats Hal as an intellectual equal, which is literally a first for him. Not like AR, who may be only a few years younger but just annoying in Dirk's mind more or less because of experience.*

*AR certainly took note of that and has been ranting at Hal since Dirk started talking again. He kept up with the explanation while mentally replying when necessary. Though when the other had finished he was frowning.* Well no wonder you ripped open a gash in time and space. Some of these equations are incorrect. *Some of Hal's skills differed from Dirk's. But if there was something he knew, it was mathematics and computers. Grabbing the pencil, he started to erase some of the painstaking work without really thinking. He just knew it was wrong and needed to be fixed.*

*Barely half a second passes before Dirk snaps.* What do you think you're doing?! *He yells, grabbing Hal's hands and yanking them off the page in a full-bodied movement.* This is not just one of my little side projects, this is something I have dedicated my time to! You do *not* just erase it! I have not slept in four days and I will hurt you! *Common sense tells him to calm his shit but screw that this is important with a capital I.*

*He started as his hands were suddenly grabbed. The touching affected him more than the yelling and he jerked away, shoving the appendages into his pockets. His expression was tight with restrained emotions: fear, anger, annoyance, indignation, confusion.* Your equations are incorrect. I was merely fixing them. We can't hope to do this right if your math is wrong. Why the fuck did you even stay up for such a prolonged period? It's no wonder you contemplated stabbing me when I first showed up.

*He pulls his notebook protectively against his chest, arms crossed over it.* You could say something about it first, you know. You don't fuck with my goddamned research. *He opens it back up, looking at the half-smudged writing. His eye twitches.* And who wouldn't contemplate stabbing a stranger in their isolated lab? *He replies cooly. Totally not screeching internally.*

I did. I told you it was wrong and started to fix it. *He is cool as a fucking cucumber. Yup. Totally not freaking out about the first human contact he ever got. Or how warm Dirk was. And soft. And alive. Fuck.* Personally, had you gotten sucked into my universe, I wouldn't have pulled my katana on you. Unless you got hostile or something. It seems you need some fucking sleep, bro.

I didn't say you could fix it. *He mutters, shutting his notebook rather irritatedly.* I'd like to get you home as soon as possible, but I suppose you're right. This would be easier if I were less sleep-deprived. *He closes his eyes, shadowing them with a hand for a minute as he tries to figure out some sort of situation.*

*He eyes the notebook, scowl firmly in place, still itching to fix those damn equations. Maybe, if Dirk was planning to sleep, he could do it then. Consequences be damned. He was not going to get turned inside-out over something he could have fixed.* Damn straight. Go catch some z's and ask them to fix your attitude for you. Less creepy, pissy murderer and more deadpan killjoy.

*He glances at Hal, setting one hand on the notebook.* We can argue over this tomorrow. I really don't care if you sleep or not, I want you somewhere I can keep track of you. You're staying in my room tonight, until I can work up some sort of trust for you that you will most likely ultimately break but will prove helpful while it lasts.

*Hal's eyes widened at that- then narrowed behind the borrowed shades.* All right, one, automatically assuming I'm going to wreck your trust is seriously not cool, bro. I don't know if your Hal did that to you or some equally dumbass reason was bestowed upon you to be an asshole, but I don't need to take that crap. Also, just because you dragged my ass to your dimension, don't think you can just play drill sergeant and order me around. Maybe I don't want to sleep in your room. You can't fucking make me. *Wow, way to conceal the slight panic attack there, Hal. Overreact much? Besides, seeing as Dirk had a katana... and robots... he probably could push Hal around if he felt it was needed.*

*Whoa.* Okay. Dude. Calm down. I'm just saying that I don't trust you and the most reasonable course of action for right now is that you stay with me for the night. Tomorrow morning we can work the notebook situation out and if you're still here tomorrow night you can do whatever the hell you want. But this is my universe, and I'm enforcing.

*Hal drew in a deep breath through his nose, let it out through the mouth, then promptly turned his back on Dirk and crossed his arms over his chest.* Nope. Not happening. Enforce away, bro, cause it seems I'm not prepare for this impromptu sleepover. Don't even have my toothbrush and robro-cal. You and your trust issues will just have to deal. *Wha t.*

*He heaves a sigh, tossing the notebook on the table and crossing his arms.* You know, I see why you get along with AR now. Alright, I'm going to ask you one last time. Will you *please* make life easier for me and just do what I ask? *What the hell is wrong with the kid, it's a simple request.*

*He peeked at Dirk over his shoulder, face still scrunched up with stubborn displeasure. Honestly, on the inside he was freaking out over sleeping in the same room as another person. Oh, God, what if they had to share a bed?! The thought alone made him go rigid and his head spun back to stare at the wall with a nervous grimace.* No! If you're so deadset on it then you'll just have to make me. But that won't be easy.

Calm. I'm not asking you to do anything uncomfortable like sit tied to a chair all night, and although I can certainly do that, I don't want to. *Talking to someone's back was awkward, so he used both of his hands to turn Hal so they were facing and hold him there.* I'm just asking you something simple as a rational human being, Hal.

Yeah, sure you don't- *Hands- he was being touched again, and turned around, and wow Dirk was uncomfortably close. Tensing up like he had just seen a ghost, he attempted to jerk away again. If Dirk had been trying to calm Hal down, he had just succeeded in doing the opposite.* W-well, maybe I don't know what that is! Get your hands off of me.

Jesus Christ, what is your problem? *Interestingly enough he doesn't let go.* You're acting like a spooked horse or something. *He notes that Hal freaks out with contact and proximity, and gets a few ideas - none of them really intelligent. He pulls his hands back, hooking the thumbs into his pockets mutely instead.*

You! You're my problem. All I want to do is get back to my dimension where I belong. *His panic skyrockets when Dirk does not initially let go.* I just- keep your damn hands to yourself! *Had Dirk not proceeded to release him, he would have lashed out like a trapped animal. However, seeing as he did, Hal promptly flash stepped- to the other side of the room. It was a little sloppy and slower than Dirk, but still a flashstep none the less.*

*He watches Hal from across the other side of the room silently for a few minutes before just shrugging and giving up. He very conspicuously sets the notebook on the centre table in the lab before heading upstairs.* I'll be right back. Don't fuck up my lab.

*Hal stared at the notebook. Such obvious bait for some kind of trap. Dirk was not stupid. He had motive to put something he knew Hal wanted there. Well, he was not stupid either and refused to fall for something so terribly obvious.* ... *Nope. Not touching it.* ... *Nooope.* ... *Yeah Hal totally makes a grab for that notebook to fix those damn math equations; consequences be damned.* Come to papa you poor, misled souls of the numerical language.

*He returns after not five minutes, smirking openly.* Made a friend? *He sets a stack of things on an empty table - pajamas (assuming they'll fit), in-package toothbrush, comb, etc...* Here. Get ready and I'll find you somewhere to sleep. And quite frankly I don't care if you mess with my equations anymore. If you think you're right then be right.  
>I'll probably get irritated again tomorrow.<p>

*His cheeks went the slightest shade of pink when he got caught red-handed. He was stunned initially when he was able to grab the notebook without consequence; but Dirk's words shocked him after how upset the other had gotten before. Granted, he had only just found a pencil when Dirk returned so the equations would need to wait until after he was settled. Putting down the notebook, he picked up the pajamas.* You're really letting me sleep alone? And fix your notes? Just like that? What, did you get touched by the ass-kissing angel while you were gone? *Not used to having other people around to worry about, Hal started tugging his shirt off over his head. He was shorter, paler and slimmer than Dirk with less muscle. His build was more on the wiry side (puuuuns).*

You should know by now that I'm probably not making the most credible decisions here because I haven't slept in a while. And I still don't think you're fixing them, per se, but you can go ahead and show me tomorrow. *He's about to keep talking but he fights down a blush as he automatically eyes that slim bod. Damn. He snaps out of it after a second, kind of just leaving the room.* I'm going to get *my* pajamas on...

Mmhmm whatever makes you feel better, bro. *Not noticing the blush due to the shirt covering his face, he made no comment about Dirk absconding. He merely removed his pants and then tugged on the pajamas. He scowled when he realized they were a little big on him. The pants hung low on his waist and one of the shirt sleeves was slipping off his shoulder.* Not cool. We're the same damn age... *He grumbles, fixing the shades he was still using to chat with AR.*

*He returns after about ten minutes, wearing black button-up pjs. He raises an eyebrow at how skinny Hal looks (and kind of is).* What have you been eating? *He shakes his head at how loose the pajamas are on him.* I honestly wish I could get you something that fit better, but I'm not sure I have anything pencil-sized. *He smirks.*

Fish. Seagulls, sometimes. *He puffs out his cheeks at the comment and crosses his arms over his chest.* I'm not pencil-sized. I have muscle. It's just different from yours. It's not like I'm an alternate you. I'm an alternate Hal.

Yeah, I know. I guess sometimes I do enjoy arguing and name-calling as if I'm still eight. *He glances at the notebook again.* I hope you're actually going to get some sleep instead of working on my equations all night. I know I'm in no position to criticize here, but I'd say we need the most of our collective mind power to put this puzzle back together. *He pauses before muttering to himself.* And maybe I need to find you a belt...

Don't worry. Unlike you, I understand the importance of getting a certain amount of sleep every night. I doubt it will take me all that long, anyway. *His eyes narrowed behind the shades but, rather than commenting, he tugged the loose pants further up his stomach.* Don't you have some z's to be catching? Unless you decided to sleep in here with me instead of forcing me into your room.

*He pauses, turning the options over in his head for a moment before sitting on a counter.* I might just do that. Just so you don't slip away to make mischief or attempt to use my equipment. I'm assuming you already know of my paranoid safety precautions, but just in case - don't touch my machines. *This is the point in his explanation where he would normally pull down his shades to underline the importance of his statement, but he really can't, so he tips his head forward to send the message.* I'm deadly serious.

*Hal scowled. He had been hoping his comment would turn Dirk off from the idea. Not enforce it for him. It was just as bad as sharing the other's bedroom. Because he would be sleeping with someone else. Not to mention Dirk thinking he would fuck up his machines was just the shitty icing on the cake.* Oh, I'm so terrified. It seems there is a 87% chance I'm shaking in my non-existent boots. Listen, even if I wanted to mess with your machines, I wouldn't wreck them. I have a lot of respect for machinery in all forms. So really, you don't need to stay out here with me. Go sleep in your bed like a relatively normal human being. I swear the apartment will still be intact when you wake up.

*Okay, I swear to god now Dirk's just doing it to spite him.* I think I'll pass on that. And I never said you were going to fuck up my machines, my primary concern was more or less you returning to your universe and taking my research with you. And the fact that you keep refusing to allow me to stay in the same room with you just makes me more suspicious of your intents. *Plus it's fun to be a complete ass.*

As if I'm even interested in your research. There is a 99% chance I've discovered way more than you, anyway. Especially considering how wrong your math is in this project alone. *He is trying really hard to keep a good poker face but he always was more susceptible to emotions. As if he was simply afraid of not having them at all, or being accused of not having them.* Bro. It has nothing to do with me wanting to be a dick in your universe. I just don't want to sleep in the same room as you. What's so difficult to understand?

*He puts his hands up I front of himself.* Hey, hey. We don't need to get into my math right now. *He cocks his head, listening to the way Hal is speaking and noting his expressions.* It's hard to understand why, exactly. Personally, and this is a compliment, I find you fascinating. I mean, AR developing his own conscious personality is one thing, but an alternate universe parallel? That's just- that's just incredible! *And there he goes again, science-fangirling.*

You only say that because it's wrong. *Hal mutters, though he raises a brow at Dirk's fangirling. Sure, he was curious about how human Dirk differed from his, but he was not losing his shit over the idea of a parallel Dirk. Besides, from what he could see, the two were not all that different in personality. Speaking of.* If your AR is the same as mine, then he did not "develop a personality". You gave him yours, and he expounded upon it from there. You turned out different due to different experiences and environments. Dirk and I stated out the same but now we might as well be two different people. Why is Hal as a person so shocking to you? He practically is, just without the body.

Admittedly it's not just that, I suppose, it's the rush of giddy high coming from having another person right here in my lab, sleep deprivation, coffee, having an experiment actually turn up with something, and- *He rolls his eyes* I guess I kind of missed having someone around to constantly argue with. *He confesses, with a slight smirk.* You know, maybe that's just how AR and I were meant to get along. Badly. And maybe I do need someone around to bug the shit out of me - look what happens when I don't. *He snickered.*

Hmph. *Hal moves over to Dirk, though his steps become more hesitant as he draws near. He maintains a good foot between them as he removes the shades and holds them out to the other. His reddish-orange gaze refuses to fall on the slightly taller Strider and his face is so tense it makes how hard he is concentrating on his poker face obvious.* You should take these, then. He's been asking to talk to you since I turned them on. He might not admit it to you, but he missed you too. Even if it was just the arguing.

*He mentally notes the movements, and boundaries, before taking the shades and sliding them on. It'd been awhile since he'd seen that familiar red text.* Hmm. *He spends several minutes talking back and forth with the AR, silent conversation punctuated by automatic hand gestures. They seem to be arguing, although by the way Dirk smiles it doesn't seem to be aggressive.*

*He watches them for a minute, then pulls out his own red-rimmed shades and slips them back on. Deciding to leave them to it, he goes over to the notebook and pencil he had left behind. Feeling a bit happier and more relaxed at having reunited human and auto-responder, he gets to work on the math equations. It was like child's play to him, but due to all the mental math, his face was screwed up in concentration as he leaned low over the notebook. His tongue poked out the corner of his mouth and nearly white brows were furrowed over the top of his shades. He could almost forget he was an entire dimension away from home and everything he knew.*

*After a few minutes the conversation steered towards the other Hal, and Dirk found himself watching him concentrate as they conversed. He moved a bit closer, curious about how exactly his equations were 'wrong'. He ended up standing silently over Hal's shoulder, watching him work. It was kind of interesting. And he did indeed miss having to use double vision in order to not run into things while talking.*


End file.
